US Ranked 4th

After determining the Big-12 championship game participants, the BCS computers were put to work on other major contests and today the BCS declared Germany to be the winner of World War II.

“Germany put together an incredible number of victories beginning with the annexation of Austria and the Sudetenland and continuing on into conference play with defeats of Poland, France, Norway, Sweden, Denmark, Belgium and the Netherlands. Their only losses came against the US and Russia; however considering their entire body of work–including an incredibly tough Strength of Schedule–our computers deemed them worthy of the #1 ranking.”

Questioned about the #4 ranking of the United States the BCS commissioner stated “The US only had two major victories–Japan and Germany. The computer models, unlike humans, aren’t influenced by head-to-head contests–they consider each contest to be only a single, equally-weighted event.”

German Chancellor Adolf Hitler said “Yes, we lost to the US; but we defeated #2 ranked France in only 6 weeks.”  Herr Hitler has been criticized for seeking dramatic victories to earn ‘style points’ to enhance Germany’s rankings.  Hitler protested “Our contest with Poland was in doubt until the final day and the conditions in Norway were incredibly challenging and demanded the application of additional forces.”

The French ranking has also come under scrutiny. The BCS commented “ France had a single loss against Germany and following a preseason #1 ranking they only fell to #2.”

Japan was ranked #3 with victories including Manchuria, Borneo and the Philippines.

note: I tried to find the original source of this, but the closest I could get was this Bleacher Report posting.  Apparently it was passed around in emails and forums.

Now, this is a president-elect with some common sense!  Barack Obama weighs in on the biggest ongoing debate in College NCAA football… the horrible BCS system vs. a logical playoff system. You may say that he should concentrate on larger issues, but I say: This man can multitask!

Throw his weight around?  Yes We Can!

update: Mack Brown agrees

I think we all knew it would happen, or at least ‘horns like me thought about it enough that it almost seemed a memory. Major Applewhite, one of the most loved and decorated quarterbacks in University of Texas history, has come home and joined the University of Texas coaching staff.

The boy-man that filled the turn of the decade with brilliant on-the-fly calls, and snatching us from sure defeat so many times. Racking up a ton of school records even though he shared quarterback time with Chris Simms. The beautiful teamwork with Ricky Williams. Man, I loved those seasons. I loved watching him cool as Eastwood while the pocket would collapse around him.

Anyways, enough nostalgia, we’ll have plenty of time for that, as we’ll see him on the sidelines on every game now, just not in the same uniform. He’ll be taking over the vacant running back coach position… which is a fantastic timing, as we are the top pick of the top pick high school running back: Darrell Scott.

“I don’t know who that is, but it doesn’t matter,” said Scott

Oh, you’ll know! Scott is stunning to watch and I am excited about him possibly donning the orange, especially after we lost Jamaal Charles to the NFL a bit early. But hearing that Applewhite was coming back eclipsed all my excitement for Scott. Unfortunately I wont be getting student tickets for free after I graduate in May, but that doesn’t matter.

“He does everything right,” Coach Mack Brown said. “He’s got class, he’s smart, he’s got great faith. He competed his tail off.”

He also is being given the title of Assistant Head Coach.

Awesome.